A major award!
As I’m sure you can imagine, Stevey P dominates in the bedroom and that of course includes conception. But what some of you don’t know is I also dominated viewing child birth, which by the way, is disgusting, not to mention totally dominating fatherhood for the past twenty four years! And to secure my spot in the ‘father hall of fame’ forever I was given this major award on father’s day yesterday. I’m told it’s the only one like it in the world and it’s made of solid gold. I would like to thank so many people for making this award possible.
I would like to send out a thanks to my parents and the Ridley Township public school system who obviously didn’t teach me jack shit about birth control which led to me getting my girlfriend pregnant when I was still a kid. I’d like to also thank my ex-wife who gave up her youth, good looks, tight body and who sacrificed her young womb to birth my two lovely daughters. I would like to thank the judge who awarded me with full custody of my daughters at my ex-wife’s request during our divorce. The court obviously saw my potential as a role model and solid citizen and decided that I should single handily mentor two young girls through the ups, downs, heartache and drama of life all alone because they could obviously see that I had such a solid handle on my own life. I need to also thank every perverted jerkoffs that has ever driven past my daughters when they were walking down the street and honked their horns or have yelled stuff out of their windows at them. I hope you too have hot daughters one day, and then you’ll see how creepy that really is.
And most of all I would also like to thank my daughters themselves for NEVER busting my balls, never losing or breaking their cell phones, never calling me from school looking for quick cash, never crashing their car into a parked car, drunk a week before their twenty first birthday, never having beer bashes at my house when I was working late and leaving all the red solo cups all over for ME to clean up, never making me get up when I just sat down to drive you places that you could easily walk to, never making me go to court with you and then pay your fines afterward, never making me lug a truck load of furniture back and forth to your school and then carrying it all up multiple flights of steps on the hottest days of the year . . . and so on and so forth. I wouldn’t trade any of that stuff for the world.
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